best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
