No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
