We named our party play list daddy issues
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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