Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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