Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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