he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The Olympian is in my bed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
