Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
