i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
