break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
