the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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