If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
