I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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