i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
