Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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