booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
