is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
