i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she told me i tasted like america
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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