great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
