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• (561): View more from Florida

  hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

  (407): View more from Florida

  i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

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• (714): View more from California

  Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?

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• (904): View more from Florida

  stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.

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• (143): View more from

  I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month

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• (315): View more from New York

  she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker

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• (276): View more from Virginia

  I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.

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