Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
