Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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