I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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