Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
