I smell stomach acid.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
