walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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