operation harelip BJ is a go
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
