i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
