that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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