My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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