Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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