I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
