New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
