I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
