I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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