help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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