Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
did you just send me my own nude
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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