Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
