his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize