PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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