I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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