We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
