i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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