She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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