I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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