so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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