glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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