I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
