He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
