I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
