they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
