Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
