My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
