she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
