I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
