she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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