The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
