well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
