What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This baby is an asshole
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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