Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
