Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
