Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
