I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
