Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
