How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
