i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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