I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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