The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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