Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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