Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
