I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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