Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
