very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
