did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I would fuck him just for his dog
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
