Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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