she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
ok first of all what the fuck
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
