I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
