I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
